


Leave You in the Morning

by everylosttouch



Series: The World Just Isn't Ready For Us [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cat is the best friend he needs, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, lots of feelings, the morning after
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 10:46:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14103681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everylosttouch/pseuds/everylosttouch
Summary: Magnus didn’t want it to ever come to this. Alec was the last person in the world he wanted to be kept from, and now he’s lost hope in finding anyone else.





	Leave You in the Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Part II of the _The World Just Isn't Ready for Us_ series.  
>  Based off of the song "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle
> 
> No beta-reader, so if there are any mistakes, comment and I'll change it :)

How had it come to this?

How had it all fallen apart at the seams without them noticing? Magnus wondered that so many times as he found himself pulling farther and farther away from Alec. He never wanted to, dear god, he wanted to be with Alec _so badly._ But every time they tried to fight against their dying relationship, it never survived.

The morning of his birthday was one of the most difficult mornings of his life.

Waking up next to Alec that morning, after crying their eyes out the night before was just…excruciating. Alec was still asleep, dark brows at ease as his lashes lay delicately against his fair skin. His pink lips parted slightly, letting silent puffs of hot breaths hit Magnus’ skin.

It was just too much.

Magnus forced himself to pull away, to draw away from the warmth that Alec offered.

If he didn’t leave now, it would only be harder for the both of them.

He repeated that to himself as he peeled away from Alec’s sleeping form, as he slid on a pair of jeans and a shirt of his, as he packed every belonging he had from when he moved in. Every knick-knack, every article of clothing, even the sandalwood shampoo that Alec loved him using. Each item held its own memory, its own burden and reminder of how this relationship _wasn’t going to work_.

He was fumbling around in the drawers of the bathroom when he found it.

A small, mahogany velvet box sitting silently amongst the other junk in the drawer.

Magnus’ breath left his lungs, his hands immediately shaking as he took the box in his hands. Shuddering fingers lifted the top, revealing the ring underneath.

Almost as quickly as he found it, he slammed it closed, pushing it away from him. He dragged his hands through his hair.

_Alec got him a ring._

Suddenly the air here is too suffocating, too thick with emotions and regret that instantly crash against him. The burden of this is far too heavy, and all Magnus wants to do is crawl back into bed and just apologize, just try to say something in hopes that they can rebuild whatever bridge is crumbling beneath them.

But at the same time, he _can’t._

He can’t put the both of them through this again, through these emotions that don’t go past the surface, through the constant heartache that is loving someone but at the same time not being able to ever be enough for them. They’ve spent the past year trying to rebuild their old relationship, but it’s all been in vain.

He can’t put them through this.

With a deep breath, he takes the ring from its box. He doesn’t slip it on his finger or think of the scenarios in which Alec would’ve given this to him. No, he carries it over to the desk tucked in the corner of the bedroom, taking out a small piece of paper and writing a quick note on it.

His hands are shaking too much and his eyes are filled with tears. As he writes his last words to Alec, the tears become too much. He signs his name, dropping the pen in defeat.

Turning back to Alec proves all the more difficult.

He’s still soundly asleep, and his soft snores make Magnus’ heart flutter a bit too much. As he lays down the ring and the note on what was once his pillow, he takes in a deep breath.

_Goodbye, Alexander._

He turns, picking up his bag at the foot of the bed. He’s almost to the door when he hears it.

“ _Don’t go_.”

Magnus stops, eyes squeezed shut and his breath halting in his lungs. He turns, expecting to see Alec’s groggy, distressed look staring back at him. But he doesn’t. Alec is still fast asleep, eyes still closed and his breathing still steady. He seems so peaceful like this.

He only wishes it would last.

The rest of the walk out of the apartment is a blur. He didn’t turn back to press a final kiss to Alec’s lips before he left, nor did he look at that ring that was meant for him. He rushed out of the apartment in haste, as if he’d been driven out, and desperately hailing a cab. He gives directions blindly, and the ride there is almost too painfully agonizing, to horrendously slow.

All Magnus can think of is Alec.

As the sun rises, the golden rays color the city in a warm hue. A hue that only reminds Magnus of Alec’s eyes, shining and shimmering when he laughs. How they cloud when he’s sad, when they darken when Magnus whispers sweet nothings to him in bed.

Magnus shakes his head. _No. It’s not like that anymore._

They reach Brooklyn in record time, the driver says, but Magnus thought it may have been the longest ride of his life.

He stumbles out of the cab, haphazardly grabbing the suitcase from the trunk and turning to the house before him. His knees are week and despite waking up an hour or so earlier, he’s exhausted. Every emotion has been thrown at him, and he can’t keep up with it.

He ascends the few stone steps and knocks a couple times on the door.

It’s then that Magnus remembers when Alec knocked on his door three years ago, when he showed up far too early for a date and sheepishly admitted he was far too nervous about being late.

He remembers opening the door to see Alec standing there, nervous and shuffling around. Their eyes met and that was it. Magnus had known looking at those hazel eyes that no matter how the date went, he knew he’d have an amazing time.

And they did.

Oh god, they had such a wonderful time. Alec took him out, seeing the sights and taking random pictures in the park. There were no formalities to it, just them being themselves.

And when they reached Magnus’ apartment, he remembers their kiss.

His hands shake. The door still hasn’t opened and he can feel the December cold starting to prickle against his skin. He knocks harder, a bit desperate.

_Please be home._

He tries desperately to forget what kissing Alec is like, as every second he thinks of those warm, soft lips brushing against his, his heart breaks a little bit more. He tries to forget the breathless kisses, like their first kiss, or the kisses they shared when they first said “I love you.” He tries to forget the kisses of passion: hot, steamy, all-encompassing kisses that could always make him squirm in anticipation for what was next.

He chokes out another desperate sob as every memory, every kiss comes flooding back to him all at once. He can hear Alec’s laughter, his whispered promises, his moans and his _I love you’_ s. It echoes in his ears so _so_ loudly. Too loudly.

_Magnus._

_I love you, Magnus._

His heart is breaking too much, too quickly.

_M-Magnus!_

He pounds against the door relentlessly, so hard and forceful that his knuckles are screaming at him to stop. He wants to scream out, but his throat constricts, vocal chords uncooperative.

He can feel the tears beginning to resurface when the door opens.

“Magnus?”

Concern laces her voice, and it dawns on him that he may be a complete and total mess. He hasn’t taken a shower since he arrived from the airport, and he’s threaded his hands tirelessly through his hair. His eyes must be puffy, red and bloodshot from crying too damn much. He shakes as if he’s been left out in the cold all night.

“C-Cat…” Magnus whimpers out brokenly, eyes squeezing shut as another ugly sob wracks through his body.

Catarina is immediately there, her gentle hands ushering him into her home. She brings him to the living area, where the fireplace crackles silently, fending off the cold of early December. She pours him a warm cup of tea, and sits beside him carefully. She doesn’t say anything, but her hands silently roam against the expanse of his back in comfort.

It takes a long while before Magnus can come back down. It takes what feels like hours of crying and dry heaving and choked sobs to beat against him before he suddenly can’t cry any more tears, can’t muster any more whimpered cries. He takes a sip of his tea in desperate hopes to qualm his achingly dry throat.

“ _He had a ring,_ ” Magnus says first. His voice sounds so distant and foreign, nothing like the tone he usually has. He doesn’t look at Cat, but down at his tea, watching as his reflection in the amber liquid stares pitifully back at him. He sniffles. “He had a ring, and I—”

His breath leaves him, and he sags, folding in on himself defeatedly.

Cat’s hands come to steady him. She shushes him, setting down the cup from his hands and bringing him close. She says nothing, only embracing him as he shudders against her.

He eventually snuffles out, exhaustion pulling at his eyelids. He closes them, hoping that he’ll find peace for a brief moment. What starts as a brief moment extends to a few minutes. A few minutes more.

He falls asleep before he realizes it.

When Magnus wakes up, the curtains have been drawn so that no light peeks through the room. There’s only the silent, still crackling of the fireplace to his right and the distant clinks of glassware and china from another room. He sits up, his head feeling heavy and body feeling empty.

_He’s alone._

The clink of glassware ceases for a minute, and Magnus can’t help but follow the curiosity that pulls him up from the cushions of the couch. He pads through the house, bare feet pattering slightly against the floors until he spills out into the quaint, old-fashioned kitchen.

Catarina stands over the stove, mixing a pot gently before adding a couple of things to it.

“How long did I sleep for?” Magnus asks, and his voice is dry and cracking. He’s amazed words even came out.

Catarina doesn’t even flinch at his sudden appearance. She closes a lid over the pot and turns to grab a hot cup of tea sitting on the counter. She turns with a soft smile, handing the drink to Magnus.

“About 4 hours,” she states plainly.

Magnus nods, taking a gentle sip of the warm liquid as it soothes his aching throat. The warmth spreads through him, heating cold and broken bones from his trip over. He finds a seat at one of the barstools as Catarina works, and they sit in a sullen silence as she works.

A few minutes later, a porcelain bowl pushes closer to him.

“I know it’s nothing compared to your mother’s recipe, but I thought it would be fitting,” Catarina says quietly, placing a spoon next to him. She doesn’t pressure him to say anything, and just sits quietly as Magnus takes his first spoonful of the soup and dumplings.

The taste is familiar, reminiscent of a time that is fleeting.

Magnus’ lower lip trembles as he places down the spoon, head hanging over the bowl of soup.

“ _It’s over,_ ” he says defeatedly. “It’s over, Cat.”

Catarina’s eyes widen as she abandons her cup of coffee. She’s immediately next to Magnus, hands across his back in a loving gesture. “Magnus,” she starts carefully, “What happened? Did he—?”

Magnus shakes his head, interrupting her. “No, god no. He—” He struggles to breathe, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. “We reached a mutual consensus.”

It’s quiet as Catarina processes the words.

“Our relationship wasn’t working,” he starts, though his voice wavers at the words. “Last year, it wasn’t working. So we decided to try and salvage it.” He looks down to the soup. “We tried so hard, Cat, but it couldn’t be salvaged. It couldn’t—”

His breathing shudders and the tears threaten to spill over again. His body shakes at the thoughts of the night prior, hearing Alec’s words in his ears, feeling his touches, breathing in the essence that could only be considered _Alec._

“He had a _ring,_ Cat,” he admits, eyes tearing away from the soup to meet Catarina’s. There’s a muted shock that crosses her face at his words. “I don’t know if he was ever going to give it to me or if—” He shakes his head, looking away. “God, Cat, what have I done?”

Those last words are riddled with so much emotion, so much raw sadness that it opens the floodgates to his heart. The ugly tears return, and he curls up into a ball, crying out into the silent room.

Catarina’s hands find his hair, which is probably very messy and very greasy. Nevertheless, she brushes her fingers through his fringe delicately, looking over his shaken form with sadness. “You still love him.”

It isn’t a question.

Magnus leans into her touch, his breath shuddering as he exhales. “I love him so much, Cat. _So much._ ” He closes his eyes as a few stray tears leak out. “I love him with all my heart.”

The confession leaves him completely shattered. He didn’t want it to ever come to this. Alec was the last person in the world he wanted to be apart from. And yet, here they were ending their relationship because the world just _wasn’t ready_ for them yet.

Cat seems to understand this, as she doesn’t say much else for a while. But when she speaks up, it surprises Magnus a bit.

“This wasn’t your fault, Magnus,” she begins. “Some relationships falter and fall. Sometimes the first go isn’t pretty, and perhaps the both of you just need some time to grow.” She looks down to him with a sad smile. “We cannot determine where some paths will lead us, but we can’t lose hope that maybe one day, those paths will cross again.”

Magnus huffs out a laugh. “Does Ragnor have you reading psychology books again?”

Cat frowns. “I’m being serious, Magnus.” Her hands still against his shoulders. “Don’t push me away, not now.”

Magnus takes a deep breath, nodding.

“I know it’s difficult now. You two have a lot of history that’s difficult to overlook.” She moves a bit so that she sits face-to-face with Magnus, her hands cradling his. “But never regret it, Magnus. Don’t regret your relationship with him. The both of you love each other so much, everyone can see it.”

A sad smile pulls at the corners of Magnus’ mouth. “Maybe the world just isn’t ready for us yet,” he repeats, reminiscent of when Alec had said it to him before. “But maybe one day it will be. Maybe…maybe one day, our paths will cross again.”

Catarina offers a warm smile to him.

“That’s the spirit.”

**Author's Note:**

> There will be one more installment to this series, so stay tuned!
> 
> In the meantime, come cry and yell at me over on [ tumblr ](https://biconicmagnusbane.tumblr.com/)


End file.
